


Play Recording

by tteotl1718



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Love Confessions, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Possibly Unrequited Love, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Sleepy Boys, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 08:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13678197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteotl1718/pseuds/tteotl1718
Summary: “I’ve always struggled to keep up with you guys. And I know that if I don’t do this, there is a small possibility that no one will walk away, Shiro. No one. Not the Olkari, not whatever remains of the Galra, not Honerva, not Allura… not even you guys. I have to do this, even if… even if I can’t come back. You would do the same, I know you would, but its my turn, Shiro. It is my turn to protect you. So… I guess this is goodbye. Lance, Paladin of Voltron… and a boy from Cuba…. Signing off.”Valentine's Day gift for littlecofiegirl on tumblr!





	Play Recording

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Valentine's Day gift for the amazing, the wonderful littlecofiegirl on tumblr. She has been so supportive of me on my kofi account, and I decided to write this for her at her request.  
> I hope that you all enjoy!

“You need to see this.” Allura’s voice was gentle, quiet.

Shiro glanced to her, from his resting spot in bed, buried somewhere in the corridors of the Castle of Lions. He straightened a little, seeing her grim expression as she carried over a small, circular device next to him. She lay it flat as best she could, hesitating as her finger hovered over a small indicator in the center. She looked at Shiro, still hesitant. In the past few days, Shiro hadn’t seen her look so tired in so long.

He shifted, pushing at the pillows behind him to keep himself propped up. He winced at the soreness in his body.

It had been a long fight. With Zarkon long defeated, Shiro had expected the universe to be saved. He had expected the job to be… well… over. But when Zarkon died, he released the evil that the Paladins of Old had once fought; those creatures from the other dimension. The team had struggled to come together, having been weakened already, even with Voltron. Shiro didn’t remember much else from that fight, just waking up in his room afterwards.

“Is this some sort of mission brief?” He murmured, trying to break the tension between them.

Allura took a breath and looked down at her trembling fingers.

“I just want to say… before I show you this… that we tried anything else. We really did.”

Shiro looked ta Allura, surprise written across his features. “What? What are you talking about, Allura?”

Allura sighed softly, shaking her head. She presses the indicator, and a holoscreen comes up. It’s dark at first but then a line of text appears.

_Voice Authorization Required_

Shiro could feel himself sit up a little straighter in bed.

“Takashi Shirogane, Black Paladin.” His voice barely wavered.

It took a few seconds and then the text changed.

_Voice Authorization Accepted. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0001 of 0003 Total Recordings. Play Recording 0001?_

Shiro blinked, confused. He looked to Allura. She pulled up a chair and sat, still not looking at him. Her fingers came up, touching the short strands of her hair.

Shiro hesitated. The only other time he had seen something like this was when the Paladins were making those vlogs for Coran and the records of the Castle. It hadn’t been a fun affair for them, turning out embarrassing, heartbreaking or even downright… enlightening in terms of how each person felt.

“Play recording.” Shiro said. Even he could tell that his voice was trembling with nerves.

The text on the holoscreen vanished and he watched as Lance filled the frame.

Lance was shaking, his face still shining with sweat. The scar on Lance’s eyebrow had reopened, probably from his helmet's visor, and he looked so scared. He hadn't even changed from his battle-soiled Paladin armor, and one hand was going through his hair, the other tapping on the table with pent up energy. 

Shiro knew that look, even if it was through a screen. He glanced at Allura, her blue eyes filled with grief and something that looked like guilt. Shifting to be more comfortable, Shiro turned back to the screen as he heard Lance take a breath, the audio making the sound a little raspier than before. 

 _"I don't know why I'm not in there with you guys."_ Lance looked to the screen, his blue eyes filled with guilt. That look made him seem so much older than he was and Shiro suppressed the sudden want, the _need_ to reach into the screen and wipe his thumbs under Lance's eyes. Wipe away tears before they could fall, wipe away the bags that had formed from years of hard battles, just... take away his troubles. 

 _"I mean, I know_ why _, but it doesn't make sense. Why me out of everyone on the team... me, the goofball..."_  he pressed his face into his hands, taking a few more breaths before he looked back to the screen.  _"I guess I was lucky. At least... that's what Allura and Honerva keep saying. The blast hit most of Voltron's left side, not the right, the sword was angled against the attack, and I guess they think that I was braced back as support and not in the direct path - basically everything they could say to tell me that it was sheer, horrible luck that I didn't get hurt, but everyone else did."_  Lance practically spat out the last line. 

Shiro stared, trying to remember. They were fighting... Voltron had the shield and the sword... they were braced against a bright light... but then nothing. He looked down and then back up as Lance leaned back in his seat. 

_"It's weird. At first, I thought I was lucky. But the moment I heard Allura screaming for everyone, that the Black Lion wasn't responding... I felt horrible. Why did I get to be okay, but not everyone else? Why was it this one time, I did get to be singled out when no one else was?"_

Shiro suddenly reached forwards and pressed a finger to the holoscreen, making it pause. He took a breath, feeling his throat tighten with words he wished Lance could hear.

"Allura." He started, looking to her. She slid off the chair before he said anything else, her short white hair fluttering as she left the room to go off to tend to something else in the castle. 

He felt bad for kicking her out. After all, she was struggling just as much as he was, if not more since she held a bigger understanding of what was going on. 

He looked back at the screen, Lance's face frozen in that moment, his lips stuck on his last word before Shiro had paused. How long had Lance felt... not special? How long... no. Too many questions for right now, he still needed his first one answered. He pressed the screen again to resume.

Lance rubbed the back of his neck.  _"It could be worse, I guess. Allura says that we were lucky anyways, because none of you are... dead."_  His voice had dropped and his head hung. " _I'm sorry, Shiro, guys... I just...."_ Lance sniffled and Shiro felt his heart tighten. 

 _"I wish I could have done something. I wish that I could_ do _something! Not just sit here, feeling sorry for myself!"_ he scrubs at his face angrily and suddenly lets out a weak chuckle. " _Swore I could even just hear what you would say to that, Shiro. You and your Space Dad voice..._ " Lance looked at the screen, his eyes glassy with tears and Shiro felt something within him tighten. 

"Wishing won't get us anywhere. Action will _.”_ Shiro and Lance said at the same time. A line both of them knew, even across time that had the present watching the past. 

 _“But… but what action can I take right now? I mean, I only even started doing this video because Honerva suggested a coping mechanism and-and apparently, we all know talking helps.”_ Lance waved his hands wildly as he talked and Shiro could almost imagine his feet were doing something like that off screen as well. Lance was always so animated, always to full of life.

Lance sighed, pausing as his hands fell to the table in front of him. _“I just wish I could help you guys. I mean… we’ve all been through so much. Keith with his time at the Blades, Hunk with trying to reconcile losing that planet a while back, Pidge with her father, and Shiro… oh man.”_ Lance shook his head. _“Where do I even start with what_ you’ve _been through, Shiro.”_

Shiro sat up even straighter, brows furrowing. No matter what he had always made sure that none of the team know the troubles he had been facing, especially Keith or Lance. The two of them were so perceptive sometimes that he couldn’t handle it. He needed the space though, he needed to keep them confident with the image of the untouchable leader.

“ _I guess… look, I just… I’m sorry I didn’t do more, you guys. I should have done_ something _. Activated Blue’s jets, or maybe even made us slip just so that… I dunno. I just…_ ” Lance buried his face into his hands, shaking it and when he suddenly pushed himself back up to reach to the camera to stop the recording, Shiro got a good look at his face before the screen went black.

Tears.

Lance had been crying.

Shiro let the screen fade to black. He tensed as a new message appeared.

_End of Recording 0001. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0002. Play Recording 0002?_

Shiro felt himself trembling. Something was wrong. Instead of saying a word, he reached forwards with his flesh hand and touched the indicator that Allura had pressed. The holoscreen vanished and the small console powered down. Shiro stared at it. Why had Lance made a video log? Why wasn’t he here? Was in in trouble? Did Allura and he set this up as a way of telling Shiro in a roundabout way? Shiro frowned. He was too confused and tired at the moment, but he knew that he needed to get out of this bed and he knew that he had to get some answers.

He set the small console on a safe spot on his sheets and pushed the blanket aside. He forced himself to stand, ignoring the screaming aches of his muscles. He needs answers, he needs space – he just needs to know that Lance is okay. He needs to reassure him. Shiro grabs his shoes, not even really paying attention as he laces them up.

Lance has to be okay. He said it himself, he had been protected by Voltron from the blast. Shiro needed to see him.

He stumbled from the room, wearing his black sweatpants and white tank top, for once too eager to move to worry about his scars. He glances around the hallway, going to where he remembers Lance’s room was. He quickly approached it, leaning on the wall with his Altean arm braced to it. He stands by the door and knocks, waiting to hear Lance’s voice. Shuffling on the inside. Anything.

Nothing.

Shiro frowns, a little confused. He knocks again. “Lance?” He calls into the door.

Still no reply. Not even a funny comment or a sing song tell-tale that Lance was coming. Shiro hesitated, glancing at the control panel outside the door. He glanced up and down the hallway and brought his metal hand to it. He didn’t like to admit it, but the Altean tech often let him break into quieter places of the castle when he needed a moment to himself.

Turns out, his lock picking skills include the Paladin’s rooms. There is a beep and a resounding clang as the door unlocks and slides open.

His blood runs cold. No Lance in his Altean pajamas. No Lance with a facemask. No Lance taking selfies in his updated Paladin armor to send to Earth.

No Lance.

Not even the lights on.

Shiro feels everything in his brain surge, and at first it feels like a high. But then his chest begins to ache, his breathing spikes dangerously. He has to take a step back, feeling a tremble go through his limbs. He hits a solid surface, sliding to the floor, back braced against the wall as he stared into Lance’s empty room.

No.

He could vaguely hear noises, maybe a voice calling to him.

 _I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed._

_Pilot error._

_Failure._

_I failed. I failed him, I failed him!_ **_I failed him!_ **

His fingers dug into the sides of his head as agony ripped through his chest, dragging out what may have been a horrible sob from him. His eyes were blurring, and his fingers dug into his hair tighter, pulling at the strands, trying to ground himself even through the pain.

There were hands on him, and he could barely focus, lost as he was in his panic.

-

Keith glanced over at Shiro worriedly. Like Lance and Shiro, the years had been kind to the Red Paladin. Longer hair braided down his back, a huge scar on his cheek from a mission when he had still been a Blade, stronger stance and muscles over all, but keeping that thin wiry frame built for speed. Like the others, he had been badly injured during their last fight and been knocked out, if the bandages wrapped tightly around his head indicated as much. He was wearing a black t shirt with his red training pants and boots.

Glancing back at Shiro worriedly, Keith contemplated his friend from the view over his shoulder. He had been lucky enough to hear and find Shiro, dragging him to a common room where he had put a weighted blanket over Shiro, dimmed the lights so his senses wouldn’t be overloaded and helped him come down from his panic, even grabbing some pillows from his room to nest them around Shiro for comfort. It wasn’t often that he had found his friend like this, but when he had, Keith had acted quickly and acted alone. If for somewhat selfish reasons.

The older man was staring at the floor between his feet right now, flesh hand clutching weakly at the blanket to keep it around his shoulder, Altean prosthetic resting in his lap. He didn’t often let others see him like this, so Keith knew that whatever had triggered him had really hit something deep in him.

Keith turned away, frowning. He still didn’t know what had set Shiro off, but this was his oldest friend. He wasn’t going to let him face this without a helping hand. He poured a small cup of hot tea (courtesy of a visit to the Space Mall) and turned back, carrying it back to Shiro. “Here, this should help you.” He said, keeping his voice low. He stays still as Shiro doesn’t respond at first. Slowly, he raises his head and blinks, seeing the cup of tea. He smiles tiredly, and the gesture doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Thanks, Keith.” He murmured softly, letting go of the blanket as he takes the cup, cradling it carefully. Keith fixed the blanket around his shoulders and sits on the ground near his feet, waiting. He knew that Shiro wouldn’t talk if pushed, like him, so he had to wait.

Shiro sipped the tea, sighing appreciatively. “Peppermint?” He asked softly, glancing to Keith.

Keith smiled gently. “Yeah, Hunk managed to grab a few bags. I know that chamomile would have been better in this situation but…” he shrugged. Beggars couldn’t be choosers in their situation so far from Earth. He pat Shiro’s knee and the older man smiled and took another long sip, sighing softly. It was one of the few times Shiro let himself have luxuries.

He lowered the cup to his lap, still holding it carefully.

Keith waited, eyes on his friend.

“It’s Lance.”

Keith winced. He had hoped that Shiro would have waited with that. Keith shared a hallway with Lance and he had figured it out just last night, having woken up before everyone. “Allura told you?” He murmured softly.

Shiro shook his head. “He… he apparently left behind some sort of video recordings. Allura insisted that I watch them.”

Keith frowned, looking down in thought. “Allura hasn’t really said much. Whenever I try to have her tell me what happened, she gets this look… it’s like trying to have her talk about Altea or her father all over again.” He looks to Shiro.

Shiro takes a breath. “From the video I watched…. Its easy to see why.” He swallowed thickly, biting his lip. He looks to Keith. “Something happened to Lance. Something… why else would he just leave behind nothing but recordings?”

Keith gave his friend a sympathetic look. He knew where Shiro’s head was. “Shiro, there was nothing you could have done. There was nothing any of us could have done, we’ve all been asleep.”

Shiro shakes his head angrily. “But I should have seen it coming, I should have reacted faster, pulling Voltron away, ejected you guys – something! I can’t fail again, Keith, I just can’t.” He hangs his head, closing his eyes tightly.

Keith instantly gets up, sitting by Shiro’s side and putting his arm around his waist, his hand gentle as he rubs his palm up and down Shiro’s back. He knows that nothing he can say will reach Shiro’s grief, the depths of it beginning back years and years – all the way to Kerberos. But he truly feels for Shiro. The man has given up so much for this war, been through more than anyone could account for.

“Shiro…” Keith began gently. “I know how you feel about him.” He sighed as Shiro looked to him sharply, alarm bright in his eyes. “Look, you weren’t exactly subtle, and I wasn’t going to say anything because _you_ weren’t saying anything… look, my point is, I know that this is hurting you on a deeper level then you’re letting yourself admit.” Keith tried to be gentle as he spoke; feelings weren’t exactly his forte, but this was Shiro. He would go the extra mile just for him. He looks to Shiro again. “But you shouldn’t blame yourself, you don’t even know what happened right?”

Shiro hesitated and then sighed, shaking his head. “N-No… there is apparently a few recordings on the databank that Allura gave me, but I only watched the first one before I panicked.”

Keith nodded. “Then there is more that you don’t know. Lance’s hand may have been forced into something, he could just be gone somewhere on a mission or with the Blue Lion or… something. Even if the worst happened… don’t deny Lance’s agency. Give him the dignity of that choice.” He gave Shiro’s knee a pat, careful with his touch. He ached to see him like this.

Shiro sighed softly. “None of you should have to go through this. If I had never gone back to Earth-”

“Then you would have been killed, tortured, or turned into who knows what.” Keith said firmly, some of that fire creeping back into his voice. “Don’t you start that bullshit with me, not while we’re all here all this time later.” His voice left no room for argument, even at the protests in Shiro’s eyes.

Shiro looked back down at his cooling up of tea. “I just never wanted him to come to harm, especially if I could have done something about it… I hope that you’re right.”

Keith’s eyes softened and he sighed. He pulled Shiro into a hug, ignoring the ache in his own chest as Shiro set the cup aside, arms wrapping around Keith tightly as he buried his face into his shoulder. “Everything will be okay, Shiro.” He murmured softly, petting his hair.

“I promise.”

Shiro shook in his arms and Keith only hoped that Lance was okay. That Shiro would be okay.

-

This situation was difficult.

Refusing outright to watch the next recording, Shiro hadn’t slept well the previous night. He kept the databank, assuming that was why Allura gave it to him and he had tried to watch the next recording, but he remembered Lance's devastated face, and Lance's absence. The two had to be linked somehow. He couldn't bring himself to watch.

He could only pace his stresses away and his just twitched as the time passed, all too slowly. Eating was hard because he felt like his stomach was knotted, his focus was off so training was out of the question (like Allura would even let him do that so soon while still recovering from his wounds anyways).

There was nothing for him to do but sit there and stew in his emotions. 

In the back of his head, Shiro practically felt like that databank was watching him, those words burned into the backs of his eyelids.

_End of Recording 0001. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0002. Play Recording 0002?_

_End of Recording 0001. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0002. Play Recording 0002?_

_End of Recording 0001. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0002. Play Recording 0002?_

Every single time that he closed his eyes, there it was, taunting him! Reminding him, almost like a phantom beast breathing down his neck, laughing as it fed from his misery. He knew that he was making a bigger deal out of it than it should have been, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something.

Shiro lay in bed now, glaring at the databank as it sat on his desk, just idling there. Like it deserved to even take up space. Anger displacement, he knew, but Shiro blamed the damn thing for Lance’s absence since it held the answers. Lance had told it, and in turn, it would Shiro what happened. Why Lance wasn’t there anymore.

He rolled over, staring at the ceiling. Trying to focus, to rest. To sleep.

Shiro sat up, glaring at the damn thing before he suddenly got up, going over to it and grabbing it. He carried it to his bed, settling it down, glaring at the damned thing. He touched the indicator, and like before, the holoscreen appeared.

_End of Recording 0001. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0002. Play Recording 0002?_

Shiro took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. “Play recording.” He hated how his voice shook. He wasn’t sure if it was with anger or if it was with fear.

The holoscreen turned black after a moment and then Lance appeared, looking just like before. There was something different about him.

 _“Hey guys, uh back again. Sorry for the abrupt ending in the last one…_ ” Lance rubbed the back of his head, flashing the camera a tired smile. “ _So… all of you are healing really well. I help Allura and Honerva check on you guys from time to time. And don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that everyone is okay. But… just seeing everyone healing, stuck in bed, motionless. It’s… it’s pretty goddamn scary. We are most worried for you, Shiro-”_

Shiro felt his stomach drop and he tensed.

Lance cleared his throat, looking down suddenly. _“You weren’t doing good. I guess that there was a bad reaction from the quintessence or the Black Lion took the brunt of the blast. But… god, we got so scared for you. At least everyone else looks like they’re sleeping. You look like you’re in so much pain.”_ Lance glanced at the screen smiling weakly. “ _Like, you remember that face that you made when we all forgot to keep Coran out of the kitchen and he managed to serve us his take on Earth food?”_

Shiro couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Shiro had made the mistake of eating first and he had been sick for _days_. Keith and Lance had been stuck taking care of him by process of elimination. Hunk couldn’t handle vomiting, Pidge wasn’t good with biology as she had put it having backed out of the room, and Allura was in charge of keeping Coran at bay so that the poor old Altean wouldn’t just continuously burst into tears every time he so much as looked at Shiro.

Lance laughed himself in the recording at the memory. “ _Okay, maybe there is a better analogy for that, but I just… trying to keep this happy. I’m sick of crying_. _But, you just have this expression of complete… agony. Nothing Allura did with her magic could help and the healing pods actually didn’t help. Whatever you guys were hit with, its making the healing pods actually hurt you instead of heal you so… uh… yeah, we have to do the healing thing as old fashioned as we can.”_

Shiro glanced at the door, suddenly worried that someone would hear this. This seemed like such a private thing for Lance, even though he did seem to be addressing all of the Paladins. Shiro shuffled, lowering the volume a little.

Lance looked at the camera now, and Shiro suddenly felt breathless. He didn’t know how or why, but those ocean blue eyes… such a unique shade that would light up with Lance’s smile. He found himself blushing suddenly.

 _“I don’t mind taking care of you guys though. It’s all I can do while Allura and Honerva come up with some sort of plan to have Voltron get back onto his feet, somehow. Honerva wants to try healing you guys but… but I put my foot down on that almost immediately. I know that she betrayed Zarkon and that she’s on our side now and yada yada, but… God, Shiro, I just can’t let her near you. You’re struggling the most as it is, and her magic may… not exactly agree with you, if you know what I mean_.”

Shiro stared at Lance, feeling that blush over his cheeks.

Lance tensed a little on the screen and a blush darkened his cheeks. “ _I-I mean, well, you only seem to relax when you hear my voice a-anyways and – oh quiznak, no no no no, that’s not what – I mean, it’s probably because of Voltron!”_ Lance scrambled, frantically flailing his limbs. “ _You know, because all of us have been in each other’s heads, and the whole bond of Voltron and stuff! You know my presence and I know yours and – and – mierda_!” Lance groaned, raking his hands through his hair, tilting his head back.

Shiro stared, eyes wide, barely daring to breathe. This was… certainly not at all what he expected.

Lance sighed, peeking at the camera again. _“You are…. Just ignore that. Please. I’m just really… um… Um… messed up right now. Tired. Haven’t been sleeping well. Yeah, that’s it. Lack of sleep.”_ He nodded, flashing a smile. The one that he used when he was flirting with a pretty female alien. Now looking at it, Shiro realized that it’s… fake. It didn’t light up Lance’s eyes. Just a self confidence booster.

Lance cleared his throat. “ _Anyways, we are all trying to think of a solution. We all agree anyways that finding four emergency pilots isn’t in the cards. I could try to fly Red and Allura could try Blue again, but we would still need people to pilot the other lions and we all know by now that I am not suited for Black, Green, or Yellow. As much as I hate to admit it, Keith would have been better to try to pilot the Black Lion.”_ He pointed at the camera threateningly. “ _Shiro, you better not tell mullet head that I said that or I will… I will… black mail. Pidge has been teaching me. Fear my power!”_ Lance crossed his arms, puffing his chest out to try and look menacing but he only looked comical and he probably could see himself because he suddenly laughed a little, relaxing from his forced posture.

Shiro could help but chuckle softly at that. Lance, still humorous and still good hearted, even if he didn’t want to admit it openly.

Lance smiled weakly at the camera and Shiro tried not to melt. Even if this was all the Lance that he had for now, this was filling some sort of small wound in Shiro’s heart. One of the many.

Lance brushed his hair back.  “ _But in all seriousness… I hope that if you are watching this… um… well, let’s just say that I would rather it be a one on one and not in the whole group setting, you know?”_ He sighed softly. _“Whole group… goddamn, I wish everyone was awake. I really need you guys right now… not just me but… okay, I can be selfish, I need you guys, but the universe needs you too. Without Voltron, we might not be able to defeat this evil. I mean, it’s not like Honerva can create another Robeast for us without-“_ Lance suddenly froze and looked up, eyes wide and blinking. He looked at the camera and then to the side where the door was.

Shiro was confused for a moment and then his stomach dropped. _No_.

 _“I gotta go guys, before this idea gets away from me_.”

Lance, don’t do it.

 _“Hopefully, Allura won’t kill me, but… but I think that this has a good chance of working_.”

Lance, don’t turn off the camera.

_“Se you guys soon!”_

The screen went dark and Shiro was shaking once more, staring as the screen remained black for a few seconds, taunting him. And then…

_End of Recording 0002. Playback initiated. Sequence, Recording 0003. Play Recording 0003?_

Shiro reached forwards and powered off the databank, hand trembling. The holoscreen faded and then vanished from existence and Shiro stared at the thing, once more filled with the desire to destroy it.

“Lance, what have you done?” Shiro whispered into the space around him.

The surrounding silence taunted him.

 **-**

The silence followed him, even as he was finally allowed to leave the Castle of Lions. Allura had given him directions without much prompting when he had approached her. She had looked at Shiro, biting her lip. 

"I'm so sorry, I swear, we tried to find another alternative but we just couldn't think of anything else. Honerva and Lance agreed it was a good idea and... and I just..."

"Allura, it's okay. I know that you did everything that you could."

"I promised myself that all of you would walk away from this. After Naxela all this years ago, after what Keith almost did, after almost losing you... I dragged you all into this mess. I swore to myself that I would get you all-"

"You're one hundred percent positive that it's irreversible?" Shiro had asked this, voice tinged with desperation. 

Allura had swallowed thickly and nodded. "Honerva said she knew of no way to reverse the process."

Shiro bit his lip. "I watched the last recording. Please, I just... where did they do it?"

And that was how Shiro had found himself leaving the castle with the second sun low in the sky, darkness growing as he made his way through the large city.

It was dark out now, the stars gleaming in the navy sky. Shiro silently thanked whatever would listen to hiswhispered prayers that the skies reminded him so much of home, even if the Olkarian stars were so different from the familiar constellations of Earth’s skies. It was a small comfort, given his situation currently, but Shiro would take comforts in any way he could right now. He felt raw, exposed, shaken. The aftermath of grieving. 

He carefully stepped over a protrusion in the ground and took a moment to stop. He remembered the spoken words from the final recording, having played it more times than the other two. Searching for an answer. A possibility. Anything.

Lance's voice whispered in his head. _“The Olkari needed some space… so did Honerva. But apparently, they needed space, power and a conduit. They didn’t have time to build that so… so Allura gave them one of the healing pods. Something about the affect of quintessence and wiring, I didn’t really listen. But how it works is… I get into the pod. The Olkari then use their connection with nature to use vines to connect them to Honerva, to the Lions… and then to me.”_

It was just as Lance described it. If Pidge were there, she would have described it as a power center, given the connections of the roots and the wires. It looked like a system of nerves in the body, or a circuit board. A connection between nature and some higher form of technology.

“ _So, there I’ll be. In the center of the city, leaning back in this capsule thing as Honerva and the Olkari use the power from the city to help connect the quintessence of the Lions. I think… then from there, Honerva connects my quintessence to all of the Lions. I… look, I still don’t know the exact details, Shiro.”_

Shiro carefully stepped over the vines, his attention divided between the ground to make sure he didn’t face plant and his destination at the center of the space.

“ _All I do know is that… Honerva already explained to me that this is possibly irreversible. But… but a small part of me doesn’t mind_.”

They left flowers. Some of them reminded Shiro of lilies from Earth, ironically water lilies. A plant that Lance would have been suited to so well. There were also some sort of roses, some huge chrysanthemums, and then beautiful assortments of alien flowers. All of them were grey, white, and millions of shades of blues. Shiro approached the small space in the flowers, the division where people could come and pay tribute. He finally casts his gaze skywards, looking at Voltron. It feels weird to be looking at the towering robot, not being inside of the head. Looking down, being careful of making all the right calls.

But standing there, Voltron outlined by a distant galaxy in the sky… Shiro can finally see why some revere Voltron, beyond his glory as a Defender of the Universe.

_“I’ve always struggled to keep up with you guys. And I know that if I don’t do this, there is a small possibility that no one will walk away, Shiro. No one. Not the Olkari, not whatever remains of the Galra, not Honerva, not Allura… not even you guys. I have to do this, even if… even if I can’t come back. You would do the same, I know you would, but its my turn, Shiro. It is my turn to protect you. So… I guess this is goodbye. Lance, Paladin of Voltron… and a boy from Cuba…. Signing off.”_

Shiro finally looks down at the capsule in front of him. There are two lights at the top, shining down on the person within, casting them in a silver glow. Ethereal.

Lance looks like he’s sleeping.

Shiro stared, drinking in every detail of Lance’s face. His hair is scruffy, having grown out from his numerous attempts at cutting it to keep it soft. Shiro remembered the arguments that Lance and Keith would have when Lance offered to cut Keith’s own longer hair. But to Shiro, the hair made Lance look so much younger than their years in space had given them. There was a tiny scar in his right eyebrow, something that Lance had gotten in a battle on a fourth moon on the other end of the Galaxy. Shiro remembered that day; he had been furious to see Lance hurt and he had seen red.

Lance was still in his Paladin armor, modified over the years of being warriors. Support on the right shoulder where his sniper rifle would rest. Grey over the old white color, the paint flecked and broken at edges. Pidge had said that it would help Lance hide better when he was sniping. The blue was the same shade as always. It even matched some the surrounding flowers.

Shiro felt his throat tighten at the sight of the blue as he stared at Lance’s closed eyes.

No blue would ever match that shade. That hidden ocean blue, closed forever.

Shiro looked back up at Voltron. He felt like it was watching him.

_Does anyone else get the feeling that this thing is looking at them?_

Shiro looked down quickly, struggling to blink away the tears that started to well up in his eyes. He looked at Lance again. His hand, his Altean prosthetic, raised and gingerly pressed into the panel on the side of the capsule. There was a hiss, and a little bit of crackling as the glass of the capsule started to shift, breaking the vines at the base of the capsule as it vanished, that particles going from his feet and vanishing into the top of the capsule, the lights gone. They were alone, Shiro and Lance, in the darkness under the stars.

He vaguely was aware of a golden flash overhead, but he paid it no mind. He reached up with his flesh hand, touching Lance’s smooth cheek. It was cold.

Cold like death.

Shiro didn’t bother to stop the sob that shattered the nighttime silence around them. “Oh Lance…” he choked out. He could feel tears streaming down his cheeks, and he bowed his head, bracing his other hand on the metal next to Lance’s arm, still holding his cheek with shaking fingers. “Lance, you have no… no idea… You were so precious, so special…” Shiro could feel all the missed opportunities, all the times he should have said something to Lance. The times he could have said a compliment, to praise, to thank him, to laugh at a stupid joke, to flirt back or engage in the flirting. To do _something_.

He had let so many chances slip away.

He raised his head again, grey eyes wet, tears running down his cheeks. He stroked his thumb across Lance’s cheekbone.

“I’m so sorry, Lance. You’re right, I wouldn’t have let you do this. It shouldn’t have been you, it shouldn’t!” Shiro said, feeling a familiar self-hatred burning in his belly. He failed again.

Something brushed across the corners of his consciousness. After years of having the Black Lion do just that, Shiro found himself grasping that feeling in his head. Anything for the small comforts. “Please, Lance… please.”

That connection between Shiro and whatever had brushed against his mind grew stronger and it felt so much like Black. Shiro kept pulling at it, wanting that familiar comfort that she had brought him through the years. That unconditional trust, that vulnerability he had found in their connection.

“Please, bring him back. Please, he doesn’t deserve this. He… he has so much to live for. Please, Black, please.” Shiro didn’t know why he bothered begging. He distantly knew that he was grieving, but he couldn’t help it. This was _Lance_. Lance, just gone.

A soft glow at his feet prompted Shiro to look down. One of the vines that had been pushed aside by the vanishing glass of the capsule began to grow, etched in gold. More began to join it, some even wrapping around from the back as the gold light spread around them, illuminating the space.

Shiro watched, eyes still wet as they widened. The gold was spreading from the center of the space, from the capsule, reaching for Voltron. He peered around, staring at it as it raced from the conduits to a rapidly growing section of vines that curled around Voltron’s feet, the heads of the Blue and Yellow Lions. Their eyes suddenly lit up as the vines kept growing, stretching up to Voltron’s knees.

Suddenly the Red Lion and Green Lion’s eyes were flashing to life, and Shiro felt the very air around them vibrate as the two arms growled, heralding their own reawakening with the strength of thunder.

That connection in Shiro’s head grew stronger and in response he tugged back, pulling at whatever it was, and suddenly it was like a switch had been flipped in his brain. That connection was _awake_. 

In that same moment, the eyes of the Black Lion came to life with a growl, softer than the Red and Green Lions, and then Voltron’s eyeslit up through the night, but the color wasn’t the familiar gold.

It was a deep ocean blue that made Shiro’s heart clench in his chest. He would know that color anywhere.

The vines curling around Voltron’s legs were glowing brighter, as the eyes of the Lions remained that way. Suddenly, there was a flash of silver and the vines began to turn blue. That same brilliant ocean blue. The color surged down the vines, tracing the gold back to Lance and Shiro. Shiro quickly took a step back, startled as the energy rushed back to them, the vines touching Lance melding from gold, to silver and then again to that brilliant blue. It began to glow brighter and brighter around Lance, and Shiro could feel the ground shaking as the light grew.

He stepped back, eyes wide with awe. The blue grew brighter and brighter still as the vines seemed to curl tighter around Lance's body. 

Suddenly, there was a flash of brilliant blue light, erupting from the vines and Shiro stumbled back, shielding his eyes with a faint cry.

He regained his balance and suddenly his senses were overwhelmed with heat, coming from the light and a faint shockwave. Something tore apart, a huge ripping sound threatening to deafen Shiro until there were five glorious roars that broke the night air and Shiro found himself smashed to the ground by another, more powerful shock wave, as if something had exploded.

Shiro stayed down, shielding his eyes until the shaking stopped. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking away the ache in them. The first thing he noticed was that Voltron no longer towered behind Lance’s capsule. Shiro’s eyes widened as he counted five, familiar and proud Lions, lining up as if just waiting for their Paladins.

The next thing he noticed was the charred vines, bent away from Lance’s capsule as if they had somehow exploded. But Lance himself looked unharmed… even if he was now slumped over in the capsule without some sort of support.

Shiro tensed and stood, pausing for a few seconds before he began to panic.

Lance had given his quintessence, his very life force to Voltron to protect the others.

And Voltron was five Lions once again. He looked to the Black Lion, searching its eyes for any trace of that blue. He reached out, hoping it would give him answers. Shiro could sense the individuality of the Black Lion once more in his head, purring at him. Welcoming him home. But his joy was short lived, if the flame was even there as his eyes looked back to Lance, horrified. 

No.

He rushed back to Lance, metal hand wrapping around him as he dragged Lance’s slumped body from the capsule, cradling him close as Shiro lowered them to the ground, panic welling in his chest.

No.

"Lance!" Shiro yelled desperate as hepushed his hand over Lance's face, searching for some sort of sign of life. Something. Anything. 

Shiro cradled Lance to his chest, stroking his cheek, his face, down his neck, those eyes still closed. 

No!

"C’mon, wake up, wake up, wake up!" Shiro yelled, his voice soaked in desperation. “Lance, Lance, please n-no!”

Lance had given everything that he was to Voltron, he _was_ Voltron! And if Voltron had broken into five, what would that have done to Lance! In fact, what in the world _had just_ happened to him! Had Shiro caused it? Had Shiro killed him?

Shiro stared down at Lance, blinking rapidly to fight back tears. “Lance, please-” he looked up to the Black Lion, feeling their connection, praying that there was something waiting for him, something to hint that Lance was okay. When he felt nothing, he looked down at Lance again. “Lance, please, wake up!”

His vision blurred as hot tears ran down his cheeks and he buried his face into Lance’s chest. “No! No, no no no _no!_ ” Shiro despaired, his voice echoing around them into the night. He sobbed, spent and defeated. He was certain that whatever he had done, whatever he had set off by reaching into his bond with Black, Shiro had unintentionally killed Lance. Whatever was left of him, he had destroyed.

“I’m so sorry, Lance…” he whispered, closing his eyes tightly as he held Lance close.

Shiro’s sobs eventually died down as he cradled Lance, still holding him tightly.

Suddenly he felt something touch the top of his head. He stilled, body going rigid. He had been caught out here, holding Lance. He quickly and badly tried to pull himself together.

He raised himself up, forcing himself to remove his forehead from Lance’s shoulder, eyes still closed as the touch on his head persisted. It was probably…. Probably Keith.

The touch gently began to card through his hair, comforting. Shiro found himself unintentionally leaning into it, desperately seeking the comfort. He heard an amused exhale beneath him. He froze, eyes shooting open and they immediately went to a tired ocean blue gaze.

Lance’s hand, which had been in his hair, stroking down to Shiro’s cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear.

Lance looked exhausted as he lay there, in Shiro’s arms. But he still gave a tired smile. “Hey. Why are you crying?”

Shiro stared, his grey eyes still wide with amazement. “…L…Lance?”

Lance smiled even wider and he chuckled weakly. “Jeez, I’m not dead…”

Shiro could feel himself beginning to smile, tears renewed as they escaped from his eyes.

Lance was back. Lance was here. Lance was here in his arms.

He let out a tiny laugh, the sound cascading almost with hysteria, and he pulled Lance close, feeling the younger man let out a small noise of surprise. Shiro kept laughing and Lance began to laugh with him, his arms wiggling out from his awkward position and Shiro pulled back slightly to let him free – only to be yanked into the embrace once more, strong arms around him. Shiro quickly used his metal hand to support Lance, wrapping it around his waist. His other hand went into Lance’s hair, feeling how soft it was as he buried his face into his shoulder, his laughter dying a little as they just sat there.

Lance had his own cheek pressed to the side of Shiro’s head, arms around Shiro’s shoulders. He whispered, breath warm in Shiro’s ear. “I’m sorry-“

“Don’t.” Shiro cut him off, pulling back to look at him. They stay close and under the stars, Shiro could have sworn he had never seen anything so beautiful as Lance in his arms.

Shiro bit his lip. “Lance… Lance, next time…” he had so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to talk about the recordings, about the risks that Lance had taken. He wanted to tell Lance how he felt, what had happened, how he had been a mess without Lance. The words refused to come, or they were fighting each other maybe, leaving Shiro tongue tied.

Shiro took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He felt Lance cup his cheek again and he leaned into his touch, his own hand coming to take Lance’s wrist gently. “…we need to talk.” He whispered finally. That seemed to do it, the weight behind those words were all that Shiro could offer right now.

Lance’s forehead pressed to his, and he whispered softly. “I think so…?”

His breath was warm but…

Shiro recoiled, wrinkling his nose. “Jesus, Lance, your breath!”

Lance blinked a few times, panicked. He breathed into his palm, and sniffed and a look of such disgust crossed over his face. “Holy Quiznak – how long was I-? I mean, the hell-!” He said, agreeing with Shiro.

Shiro smiled weakly, and he carefully helped Lance to his feet. Lance tensed, clutching to Shiro’s arms as he did, knees wobbling. He blinked, looking at the opened healing pod, ruined now from whatever had happened. He looked to the Lions and then his eyes widened impossibly further and he looked at Shiro.

“Wait a minute… this isn’t… this isn’t a dream? Shiro, what happened?”

Shiro stared at him and then glanced at the healing pod. The memorial, the place the Olkari and the people of the universe paid their respects. He looked to Lance. “I can explain everything later. Just... let’s get you home.” He needed to get Lance away from this place, he needed to...

He needed Lance. With him. 

Lance hesitated and then nodded, leaning into Shiro. Shiro didn’t know if it was because Lance wanted to be close to him or if Lance was still too weak to walk without support. He smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist. He didn’t care.

Shiro had him back.

The fading stars watched as the two of them carefully made their way from the center of the city and back to the Castle of Lions, settled in the distance.

Looking beyond the castle, Lance gasped as he saw something he had never thought he would see again. One of Olkarion’s suns was beginning to rise.

-

 _Recording initiated. Sequence, Recording 0004. Begin Recording 0004?_

Lance smiled as he whispered, trying to keep his voice low. “Begin recording.” The small camera beeped and a purple light appeared next to it, indicating that the recording had begun.

Lance couldn’t help as his smile stretched. He waved a little. “Hey everyone. I uh… I need to apologize for a few things. The first is my state of dress – or rather, my lack thereof.” He gestured to his battle toned body, shirtless and revealing a few small scars that he had obtained over the years. “But don’t worry! I do have pants on, it was just really really hot last night.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. It felt good to be doing this again.

“So… I want to also apologize for the last thing that I recorded. It’s been destroyed now, because… well…” he smiled to himself, the gesture soft and shy. “Someone told me that they weren’t needed because I was basically saying goodbye. And since here I am, saying hello to everyone again… it’s not needed. You know?” He rubbed the back of his head, glancing next to him. The camera didn’t allow for the viewer to see, so it was anyone’s guess as to what he was looking at.

Lance took a deep breath. “So, I should probably explain what happened. When I got into that capsule, so that Honerva could transfer my quintessence into Voltron, I literally became Voltron. I don’t have too many memories of that, it’s still kind of fuzzy, but I do remember feeling so… strong. But I also felt so alone. So powerful, but it was lonely. Lonelier than even when I was the only one awake, the only one who could have made that sacrifice. I was the strongest being in the universe, and I was alone.” He looked down, frowning a little.

“And I never want that again. It was… it was kind of a slap in the face, honestly, but the good kind. You know, like in the movies when someone is having a crisis and another person smacks them and they instantly calm down or snap out of it? Yeah, that is sort of what it felt like. I remember back when I first presented myself to the Black Lion and I remember how… selfish I felt. How stupidly angry I was that I wasn’t chosen. I had a taste of that when I was Voltron and I have to say… thank you, Black Lion, for not making me your Paladin. I don’t want that responsibility; I don’t need it to feel… like something. You know?”

Lance smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry that it took such drastic measures to figure that out, but hey, I am a very dramatic person as we all know.” He blinked a little and frowned. “Who am I even talking to?” his voice was lower than usual, frowning slightly. He shrugged and seemed ready to continue when there was the sound of shifting beside him. Suddenly, a strong well muscles man appeared, sitting up beside Lance, wrapping his arms around him as he rested his chin on Lance’s shoulder.

Lance’s whole demeanor instantly softened and he reached up, pushing back the man’s white shock of hair as he kissed his forehead. “Morning. Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked softly.

The man cuddled to him smiled softly, opening his storm grey eyes. “Not really, I just heard you talking. What are you doing?” His eyes flickered to the camera and he chuckled. “I told you, those aren’t needed anymore.”

Lance giggled, his hands dropping to rest on his companion’s around him. “I know, but I figured… why not talk about a happier time now? I was also thinking of sending these to Earth, for my family.”

The man cuddled to him chuckled softly. “So your first recording to them will be of you and I shirtless in bed? Yeah, no, not the kind of first impression that I want to make on your family.” He murmured, turning his face to nuzzle into Lance’s cheek.

Lance giggled, a kiss being pressed to his cheek. “Shiro, c’mon… okay, what if I want to record this for the universe? So that they see that the Paladins are just like them, that we have lives? That we laugh and cry and have experiences just like them?” His voice lowered and he ducked his head, cheeks flaming. “That we love just like them?”

A smile crossed Shiro’s face, delighted even as his cheeks pinked as well. “Okay… but why to the universe? If you have to record something, I don’t want them to see you half naked.”

Lance snorted, looking at his boyfriend, the blue of his eyes flashing. “Okay, but have you actually had the time to talk to the people who know about Voltron? Many of them were born from our years of doing the Voltron Show, okay, and you’d be surprised at how similar alien fans are to Earth fans.”

Shiro groaned, dropping his forehead to Lance’s shoulder dramatically. “Lance, do not bring up that show. I still have nightmares about that tight shirt that Coran forced me to wear.”

Lance laughed, holding Shiro’s hands around him. “Nope, sorry. You should see how many people thirst over you. It’s annoying.”

Shiro raised his head and an uncharacteristically cheesy glint filled his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

Lance nodded sagely. “Oh yeah. People are going to be so jealous when they see that I was the one who tied you down.”

Shiro snorted. “One day together and that’s what you think of me?”

Lance nodded, closing his eyes, chin up with confidence. “That’s what I _know_ of you.”

Shiro glanced at the camera and frowned. “Is that thing still recording?”

Lance nodded, looking at it, innocently curious. “Yeah, why?”

Shiro smiled and shifted, reaching for the camera at the same time that he turned to Lance. The last thing that was seen before his hand covered the lens was Shiro leaning to Lance, their lips brushing together like a promise.

The screen was black and after a few seconds, text rolled across the screen. 

_End of Recording 0004._

_-_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and some kudos please! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, please feel free to follow my twitter as my tumblr will no longer be active. My twitter @ tteotl1718 has some interesting things there for you guys: you can see previews of my writing, ask me questions about my WIPs, and see what is coming in the 2019 year for you guys!


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